ScottGuldin.com

Here’s an underwhelming roundup of articles, videoes and oddities that have caught my fancy of late.

1. You would like to spend five or so minutes watching a Bonnie Tyler video, but wish it would be a little more literal than the original?  Who wouldn’t?  I’m not sure if it was because my friend Wang introduced this to me while we were both toiling late at night (he at his nightshift job, I at my psychology paper), but I ended up watching this over and over and over.  I can’t decide which is more alluring: how funny the remake is, or how completely weird the original was.  You decide. (With over 2M views, chances are good this isn’t new to you, but work with me here.  I’m a late bloomer.)
2. Speaking of youtube, is it in trouble?  $470M in the red isn’t the greatest return on investment, even with Google calling the shots. [Note: My original link was to a more recent interview with the author of this article, but it was subscriber-only.  Curses!]
3. Fascinating A.V. Club interview with Dana Carvey and Robert (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog) Smigel, mostly about the short-lived “The Dana Carvey Show.”  Good stuff.  Carvey MIGHT be crazy, though I did enjoy when he threw director Mick Jackson under the bus for “Clean Slate.”
4. A mildly depressing rundown of the Bulls’ gaffes in recent NBA Drafts.  Don’t forget that full coverage of this year’s draft begins tonight at 7:30pm EST / 6:30 Central on ESPN.
5. I was a bit dubious at first, but I’ve really grown to like Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.  You can watch an excellent reason why below.  There’s also this.  There’s a nice musicality to Fallon’s delivery.
6. Speaking of music, you know you’re good at your job when you can make some of the most boneheaded comments sound cool.
7. A thoughtful and passionate defense of Holden Caulfield from my friend, former roommate and current web / YA superstar John Green.  Be sure to read the comments — the dialogue is a good one.

About four months ago my good friend Matt Owens and I started discussing the possibility of attending the 3/16/09 Andrew Bird concert together. It made perfect logical sense: we both love Andrew Bird, we enjoy each other’s company, and Bird was scheduled to perform at Liberty Hall in Lawrence, Kan., where Matt attends the University of Kansas.

Imagine my delight when — a few weeks into the discussion, as we were hashing out logistical details — Matt informed me that he could get me into the show for free. Sweet sassy molassy.

Matt and I met years ago when my wife and I worked as volunteer adult leaders for our church’s youth ministry. Matt graduates from college next year. Although that makes me feel really old, all I can say is: “I love that guy.”

One of the running jokes of the night was that we were “on the list”; Matt’s connections had told him to go to the box office, where there would be a list of people qualifying for free admission. We quickly let the power and prestige of being among those fortunate people go to our head. So if we accidentally bumped into people, say, or were blocking their view of the stage, we would glibly reply, “Sorry. We’re on the list.” Apparently this isn’t a very popular worldview in Lawrence. Maybe Manhattan?

Anyway, the concert was incredible. Now, as much as I love music, I’m not much of a concert-goer. For point of comparison, Erin Vore has seen Andrew Bird perform live exactly ninety-seven times, and countless others besides.  Me?  I’ve been to these concerts:  James Taylor, B.B. King, Sting, Lollapalooza ‘94 (featuring Smashing Pumpkins and Beastie Boys), Dada, Harry Connick Jr. (twice), Rufus Wainwright (playing on a Santa Monica sidewalk), and Ravi Shankar.  If someone can put a stranger list together than that, I would love to read it.

But maybe because my concert history is so dicey, I absolutely loved this one.  Andrew Bird knows what he’s doing, and it was fascinating to watch him loop his violin licks, whistles, guitar riffs, hand claps, etc. and layer them, in realtime, on top of whatever song he was performing that moment.

Here’s my Zapruder-quality video of the song “Some of These Days,” which is a cover of an old jazz standard that Bird performed during his encore, the penultimate song of a very fine night.  Thanks, Matt.

Shortly after I posted about my new commitment to running, SG.com offices were inundated with emails.  While most of these were enticing job offers (promising I could earn $65K a year working from home!), some of them ran along this vein:

What do you listen to while you run, Jeff?

Although I’ve often been reticent when it comes to sharing my tastes in music (don’t judge me, people), I felt this was a good query since I find that my runs wouldn’t amount to dog-doo without the tunes.  And my name is Scott.  I thought that was clear from the url.

Anyway, here are the songs I currently use on my runs.  This is my “fast” mix.  Soon I will share my separate, slower playlist designed specifically for runs where my pace isn’t so much an issue.

1. “Stressed Out,” A Tribe Called Quest featuring Faith Evans

I’ve had a strong affection for Tribe and Q-Tip ever since junior high, so there’s no way they weren’t making this list.  Faith Evans’ contribution is probably my favorite when it comes to running, though.  Her refrain near the end of the song is an affirmation that bears repeating: “Don’t worry, we gonna make it / I know we gonna make it / C’mon, baby, we gonna make it.”  Indeed.

2. “Fu-Gee-La (Sly & Robbie Mix),” by Fugees (Refugee Camp)

It’s hard to resist the Fugees when not only their song but their group name itself includes a parenthetical.  It’s like:  Hey, we’re letting you in on a secret!  While that secret might be that L-Boogie is wildly more talented than her male colleagues, please don’t dis on Clef and Pras. I purchased the “clean version” of this song off iTunes, which I would recommend, unless hearing the n-word gets you really fired up for your runs.

3.  “Chasing Pavements,” by Adele

In addition to Adele’s heart-breakingly pure voice, I find that this song is perfectly suited to running. I like it when this song comes up late in my runs; I treat the lyrics like a call-and-response:

Adele:  Should I give up?

Me:  NO!

Adele: …or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Me:  YES!

This is particularly apropos, since — unless you’re on a track — you, too, will be “chasing pavements.”  Get it?  Huh?  No?  (Sigh.)  Bonus points on the “…even if it leads nowhere” lyric since I’m — um — not so good with directions.

4. “Getaway,” by N’Dea Davenport

This song is so obscure that I have nothing to link to, and when my CDs were stolen a few years back I couldn’t find a replacement anywhere but on eBay.  In any case, you’ll have to trust me that this one is good.  Ben Vore and I used to roll down our windows in the dead of winter and crank this song as we terrorized pedestrians in Gambier, Ohio.  (We tried this again years later in Chicago, with slightly less success.)  If you want to borrow the CD, just let me know.

5. “Collarbone,” by Fujiya & Miyagi

My sister Meredith put this on a mix CD she gave me.  I dig it.  Like the protagonist in the song, I had to get a new pair of shoes, but I’m guessing his definition of “kicking it” would probably differ slightly from mine.  In any case, good fun!  When he starts singing “Dry Bones” toward the end, you can listen along and inventory all the parts of your body that currently hurt.

6. “Hot Dog Music,” by Brendon Small

Just because.

7. “Where’s Summer B ?” by Ben Folds Five

This song just makes me happy.  One drawback to listening to this while running is that I cannot yell, along with Mr. Folds, “Hey, that’s DARREN’S girlfriend.”  I mean, I guess I could.  But then I would pass out.  Because you really shouldn’t mix running and yelling.  Unless a bus is about to hit you.  Or someone at a stop sign pretends that he is going to let you jog past while he waits but then floors it just as you enter the intersection.  Not that that’s ever happened.  Just a hypothetical.

8. “Jesus Walks,” by Kanye West

I find this song can go one of a couple ways, depending where I am on my run.  If I’m near the beginning and feeling strong, I love it.  If I’m tired and need a little boost, the “bum-bum-bum, bum-BA, bum-bum-bum” keeps my feet moving.  If, however, I’m struggling and about to pass out, the part of the song where Kanye says “the view alone will leave you breathless (sharp, wheezy inhale) / try to catch it (another asthmatic inhale)” pretty much makes me want to die.  So keep that in mind.

9.  “Single Ladies,” by Beyoncè Knowles

I was going to link to the video, but it currently has north of 58 million views on youtube, so I’m guessing you’re familiar.  Wow, this is an embarrassing one.  Moving on.

10. “Parents,” Another Bad Creation

Remember these kids from the early ’90s?  They were, like, 8 and rapped / sang about school (”Playground”) and the crushes they had (”Iesha”).  It was an awesome four minutes in our cultural history.  Look, including this song on my list is difficult to justify.  But let me try.  There’s just something about parents fawning over their children to a backbeat that gets me fired up.  My favorite sections are “Get up, Romell, get up!  Do whatcha gotta do!” and “A lot of people say he’s wild / whatchu MEAN he’s wild?!”  Yes, I’m a total freak.

So that’s it.  I have bared my musical soul to the world for the betterment (or worserment, depending on your view) of runners everywhere.  What do you think?  Is there something I’ve missed completely?  What keeps your feet moving as you tick the miles off?

Nothing clears out a room previously filled with boisterous, jovial NBA talk quite like awarding the crown to a convicted rapist.

Wait…what?  The charges against Kobe Bryant were dropped?

But he reached an agreement whereby he could admit fault as long as it wasn’t held against him in the civil trial?  Oh, OK.  Glad we got that squared away.  Classy.

So with the bitter taste of a Lakers championship in my mouth, I would like to bid adieu to the 2008-2009 NBA season by sharing the direction I think the Chicago Bulls should take this offseason (plus some ideas for next year!) in order to improve on their wildly entertaining but ultimately ineffectual first-round playoff series against the Boston Celtics.

Here we go.

1. Shake Ben Gordon’s hand, thank him for his years of dedicated service, and wish him well with whatever team wants to pay his $11 – 15M a year asking price.  This topic has been discussed ad nauseum on Bulls blogs and Chicago radio, so I won’t get too deep into it here.  Yes, BG works hard.  Yes, he’s been the Bulls leading scorer every year he’s been in the league*.  Yes, he can make some clutch shots.  But when your “best” player can’t play defense, can’t dribble a basketball, and doesn’t meet the height requirement to ride the Gemini at Cedar Point, you’ve got a problem.  The thing I worry about most with Gordon is his influence on Derrick Rose. ***UPDATE: It seems that someone in the Bulls’ own division would like to fork over BG’s asking price, if rumors are to be trusted.  Either Joe Dumars is playing a game of chicken with Johnny Pax (eminently possible), or he’s really lost his edge.


I just had an orange Tootsie pop. See?

2. Tank the Circus Trip.  Well, who would notice, right?  Since MJ and Pip led Chicago to the championship in 1998, the Bulls are a combined 9-56 (.138) on their annual prolonged November road trip while the Barnum & Bailey circus comes to the United Center.
   

   The Bulls think your dancing is atrocious, ma'am.

My idea is not only lose these games (which they would do anyway), but lose them flagrantly and agregiously.  Score on  your own hoop, Washington Generals style.  Punch referees in the testes.  Mock senior citizens.  The idea here is to force Jerry Reinsdorf’s hand to…

3. Fire Vinny Del Negro.  Please.  I beg you.
4. Trade for someone who can score in the post, for crying out loud.  This isn’t rocket science.  With two first-round picks in an underwhelming draft, two nearly identical big guys (Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah; I’d keep Noah), and BG’s salary no longer an issue, the Bulls have some flexibility here.  Currently the ideas floating around the ether have ranged from really strong but improbable, to unlikely and unspeakably putrid.  If Johnny Pax wants to hold his cards (here’s a hint: he will), not making a move right now can work, too, since the Bulls are presently positioned fairly well for the free-agent extravaganza of 2010 (and here’s a hint: it’s going to be a total letdown to all teams that aren’t the Cavs).  But for just once I’d like to see Pax the GM (or, ahem, the “executive VP of bball ops“) display the grit and gunslinger’s daring that turned a scrawny white dude with the middle name MacBeth into a 3-time champ with big shot chops.  The Salmons and Miller deadline deal was a definite step in the right direction.  Let’s build on it.
5. Give Derrick Rose the ball, keep Derrick Rose happy, get rid of guys and / or coaches who aren’t completely convinced that Derrick Rose is the best thing to happen to Chicago professional basketball since Dickey Simpkins (the name, not the player).  He’s, um, good.
6. Pray that LeBron will have a change of heart and move to a Western Conference team.  Otherwise, most of this is just moot anyhow.

——

*Technically Eddy Curry and Kirk Hinrich had higher PPG averages in 2004-05, but Gordon scored more total points by virtue of playing in all 82 games that year.

I needed some new running shoes, and recently found a tasty deal on some Nikes.

I don’t like to exaggerate, but these are the coolest running shoes ever made in the history of Earth.  For starters, they’re Bulls colors, so that’s sweet, and they are quite comfortable.  Perhaps best of all (I did mention the Bulls colors, right?), they are Nike + iPod compatible.  Score.

So now when I go for runs, my iPod keeps track of the distance I’ve traveled, the calories I’ve burned, and the pace I’ve maintained.  I’ve had a little difficulty with the calibration (even moments after calibrating it on a track, and then running on said track, the iPod seems to short me about 400 meters on a 3-mile run, which isn’t so fun), but other than that I love it.  Love it, I say.

The first week I had the new shoes plus the iPod sensor (which retails for about $30; not too shabby), I ran 16 miles, or 3-plus miles five times.  That was a trifle more than my aging knees could take, so I have scaled back quite a bit and have implemented better stretching regimines.

—–

I have this thing where I get an idea and immediately fall head-over-heels in love with it, regardless of how improbable it might be.  Example: this past fall I bought a Kodak Zi6, which allows me to shoot HD-quality video relatively effortlessly.  I became convinced, in a few short days, that I would create 270 unique and original sketch comedy videos, or roughly one for every business day in 2009, and post them to youtube.  How’d that turn out?  Well, I hope you enjoy the one I created.  Yup, I said “one.”

It follows, then, that after I was outfitted in such sophisticated and stylish running gear, I would be shooting for the moon.  I’ve spent the past few days planning exactly how I could crack the 2-hour mark in a marathon, or — failing that — introduce myself to the terrifyingly bizarre world of ultramarathons.

But the thing I like about running is that it always demands your humility.  In my experience anyway (which, admittedly, isn’t very contoured or impressive), you can’t plan too far ahead, because you’re never too sure of what’s right in front of you.  Sure, I can say I’ll run 15 miles a week for the next eight months, but can I guarantee that?  Nope.

You: What’s your point here, Steve?

Me:  I had a blog once upon a time, and on the front page I promised something like 3 – 5 new posts a week, with a heavy emphasis on my faith.  As you can imagine if you’ve been paying attention, that experiment wasn’t very successful.  So as I attempt to re-launch this blog, I hope to apply what I’ve learned from the past few weeks of regular running.  Namely, I would like to post again tomorrow, but it’s probably better for us both if I don’t guarantee anything.  Maybe, though, I can channel the momentum from posting today and turn it into something.

Even if I don’t, though, at least I’ve got some sweet sneaks.